Festival of the Knob

I was recently pondering an alternative christmas celebration for those who don’t enjoy it and i was once again inspired by the inexhaustible Snuff. What about an annual international “Festival of the Knob”?

It certainly has global application – everyone has one or knows someone who does – they are very, very popular and certainly worthy of celebrating, their owners are generally extremely proud and usually delighted to get them out for best in show – (here’s a little footage from the brilliant “best in show” movie). I’m imagining some contestants in the Festival of the Knob may get as worked up as some of these guys

As for activities for the event i was thinking of what type of games could be held? I guess bobbing for apples is out unless you’re hung like a rogue elephant – which i am sure some of you are of course. Soggy biscuit competitions are a bit boy scoutish, however, there is always pulling heavy weights which is very manly:

There is essential training to be undertaken before attempting such feats with one’s manstick. Qigong is the thing to do.

Master Tu Jin-Sheng’s Penis Qigong Tips
Penis qigong has some specific prohibitions that can be useful advice for any qigong practice.

  • Watch what you eat very carefully
  • When you wake up in the morning, do not urinate. Instead, exercise to sweat it out.
    The hours from 11 PM to 1 AM and 11 AM to 1 PM are not good times for exercise, but good only for meditation.
  • For every season there is an appropriate focus. Summer: Shen (Spirit) Autumn: Sui (Blood Circulation) Winter: Jing (Vital essence) Spring: Qi (Life energy)
  • For this type of training you must have a teacher, otherwise you might get hurt.

And of course we need music –

Food –

Merchandise –

And fun characters to amuse the children –

And that should just about do it! Anything i’ve missed?

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