Things I’ve Learned As I Get Older!
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say F— ’em if they can’t take a joke” in 6 different languages.
The little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. “Not yet” said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. He goes to feed the chickens … and he kicks the chicken. He goes to feed the cows…….. and he kicks the cow. He goes to feed the pigs……. and he kicks the pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick the chickens, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk.”
His father comes down for breakfast, and he accidentally kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and says “Are you going to tell him, or should I?