No, you’ve got it all wrong!

Back in the old days when i was a teenager, my brother was a dj at nightclubs around Perth and used to piss and moan at me for my appalling urban musical choices but i was not easily dissuaded. Jimmy Barnes, Talking Heads, Aha, Flock of Seagulls, Madonna, Fleetwood Mac, it was heaven.

I have always enjoyed making up my own version of song lyrics and used to take immense pleasure in converting seemingly pleasant songs in to musical beasts of debauchery. The potty mouthed habit starts early i guess like the signs of psychopaths – killing bugs, torturing small animals etc.

The Eurythmics were all over the Top 40 and being a child of the 80’s i was loving them. I fondly recall interpreting their Love is a Stranger song into something that surprised even my way too cool brother. So the original lyrics you may or may not recall go like this:

“And I want you / And I want you /And I want you so /It’s an obsession /

Love is a danger / Of a different kind / To take you away / And leave you far behind / “

However, i always advocated that it sounded much better as this:

“And I want to / And I want to / And I want to / Suck your circumcision /

Love is a danger / Of a different kind / To take you away / And leave you far behind”

If you listen to it you can actually hear those words in the song. Much more interesting.

I was also convinced that Van Morrisons “Full Force Gale”

“Like a full force gale

I was lifted up again”

was in fact:

“Like a full fore skin (full force wind)

I will lift you up again”

I have included the video below. I dare you to tell me that it does not sound like Van is singing “foreskin”.

video embedded – visit blog to watch if you are reading my email.

There are so many classics out there and i really enjoy hearing other stories of massacred lyrics.

So send ’em in peeps.

I have included a great list below of some corkers from another bloggers site. Worth taking a look at:)

Song Title
Misinterpreted Lyric
Actual Lyric

B-52’s “Roam”
Whoa! Nipsy Russell
Roam, if you want to

Bachman Turner Overdrive “Takin’ Care of Business”
Bakin’ carrot biscuits
Takin’ care of business

Beatles “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
It’s such a feeling that, my love, I get high
It’s such a feeling that, my love, I can’t hide

Beatles “Lucy SD”
The girl with colitis goes by
The girl with Kaleidoscope eyes

Beatles “Michelle”
Sunday Monkey won’t play piano song, play piano song
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble

Beatles “Penny Lane”
Efficient finger pies
Fish and finger pies

Beatles “Polythene Pam”
She’s the kind of girl who makes a musical fail
…who makes the news of the world

Beatles “Sixty-four”
Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I’m six feet four
…When I’m sixty-four

Beatles “Ticket to Ride”
She’s got a chicken to ride
She’s got a ticket to ride

Beck “Loser”
Soy una cantadorSoy on my candy corn
Soy un perdedor

Clash “Rock the Casbah”
Sherry don’t like it, rock the catbox
The Sharif don’t like it, rock the Casbah

Counting Crows “Mr. Jones”
Find myself a great historic place
Find myself a gray guitar and play

Creedence Clearwater Revival “Bad Moon Rising”
There’s a bathroom on the right
There’s a bad moon on the rise

Depeche Mode “Just Can’t Get Enough”
I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get enough

Fifth Dimension “Aquarius”
When Jupiter collides with Mars
When Jupiter aligns with Mars

Hendrix “Purple Haze”
‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy
‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky

Jackson “Billie Jean”
The jealous Rabbi’s son
This kid is not my son

Jackson “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin”
Mama say mama saw my moccasin
Ma ma se ma ma sa ma ma coo sa

John “Bennie and the Jets”
They sell weed and it’s wonderful
They’re so weird and wonderful

Led Zeppelin “Stairway to Heaven”
And there’s a wino down the road, I should’ve stole his Oreos
And as we wind on down the road, Our shadows taller than our souls

Manfred Mann “Blinded By the Light”
She ripped up her douche in the middle of the night.Wrapped up like a douche, another boner in the night
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night

Nirvana “Heart Shaped Box”
Hey, Wait, I’ve got a naked plate
Hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint

Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit”
We are punk gods
Load up on guns

Palmer “Addicted to Love”
My anus will fix it, you’re addicted to love
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love

Pearl Jam “Jeremy”
Jeremy smoked grass todayJeremy broke glass today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Pink Floyd “Shine On You Crazy Diamond”
Shine on you crazy blind man
Shine on you crazy diamond

Police “Every Breath You Take”
I’m a pool hall ace
How my poor heart aches

Prince “Raspberry Beret”
She wore raspberries and grapes
She wore a raspberry beret

Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody”
Gotta leave it all behind and take a cruise
Gotta leave it all behind and face the truth

REM “Orange Crush”
We are ancient Sophocles
We are agents of the free

REM “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight”
Come in and try to wake her upTell me a jawbreakerOnly in Jamaica
Call me when you try to wake her up

Rivers “Secret Agent Man”
Secret Asian man / Secret aging man
Secret Agent man

Rolling Stones “Bitch”
Salivate on a padlocked door
Salivate like Pavlov’s dog

Simon and Garfunkle “I am a Rock”
I am a rock, I am in Thailand
I am a rock, I am an Island

Steppenwolf “Born to be Wild”
I like smokin’ ice cream
I like smoke and lightning

Steve Miller Band “Jungle Love”
The question to everyone’s answer is usually aspirin and gin
…is usually asked from within

Stevens “Peace Train”
Right on the pea stain
Ride on the Peace Train

Stone Temple Pilots “Plush”
Where you going with the master plan?
Where you going with the mask I found?

Tears for Fears “Shout”
They hit you with a wrecking ball
They took you for a working boy

U2 “Even Better than the Real Thing”
Give me one last chance, We’ll slide down the circus of pigs
…We’ll slide down the surface of things

Whitesnake “Here I Go Again”
Like a drifter I was born to wear cologne
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Wonder “Part-Time Lover”
Apartheid lover
Part-time lover

Young “Every time You Go Away”
Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you
…you take a piece of me with you

Zevon “Werewolves of London”
Where was the thunder
Werewolves on London

courtesy of http://www.rareexception.com/?p=91 – groovy blog would highly recommend.

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